Once upon a time, in a galaxy not so far away--or, hell, maybe it is the same one we're in now--not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse. At least, not until someone decided to break into Jack's apartment.
Armed with ninja skills, this man was able to break down the front door and have it not make a sound. When he was born, awesome sauce had been poured over him. Chuck Norris would die ten times all at once in a fight with this person.
Jack awoke to see Charles Widmore's creepy face hovering above him.
"OMFG!!" Jack screamed.
Charles hand came down upon Jack's head in a karate chop and knocked him out. He then preceeded to place him in a bag and carry him over his shoulder.
But just as he was about to escape, something black and large and sporting batwings flew in through the window and landed.
"It's Ben!" Charles gasped, shocked.
"You're not going to get away from me this time," Ben said.
"Get him!" Charles ordered, and his henchmen went after Ben.
But they were no match for Ben; his baton sliced them into strips of crispy bacon which he would eat for breakfast the next morning.
"You'll never catch me!" Charles said.
The old man stole a device from Fringe and went through a wall. Ben tried to follow, but it was no use. The wall was just too solid.
So Ben decided to see what the rest of the O6 were up to. Of course, Sayid and Hurley were gone, and Sun was busy trying to steal information from Widmore, and that only left two others: Kate and Aaron.
So Ben got into his Benmobile and drove out to Kate's house in Whereeveritis and broke through her window.
"Wtf are you doing?" Kate asked, half asleep. "It's fudging 2 in the morning."
"I'm here to tell you that you must go back to the island."
"Can any of you stupid men give me at least one good reason why?"
"You know what month it is, don't you?" Ben asked, and went over to a calender hanging on a nearby wall.
"Yes. It's July. What does that have to do with anything?"
"You must know that once you'd left, the island moved. But you don't have any idea of where it moved to, do you?"
"I guess not..."
"It's not a matter of where, but when. I've got a copy of the calender from the island. Take a look at it."
Ben threw it to Kate and it hit her face. She deserved it. And then she read it.
"It's December. So what?"
"Flip through the pages."
Kate did, and eventually the fact set in.
"You...you mean to say that...that..."
"Yes, Kate. On the island, it's eternally December 25th."
"That's great for them."
"You'd think so, wouldn't you. But bad things have happened to them. They haven't gotten any presents. It effects the rest of the world, too, but nobody realises it because the parents are doing HIS work."
"What the fudge am I supposed to do about it?"
"Not only you, Kate, but the rest of the O6 as well. You all need to go back to the island and restore the Christmas spirit."
Sayid drove along the highway at 108 mph, trying to beat the sunrise. Cops would hace chased him had they not known he was an assasin.
"Dude, do you have any donuts or anything in here?" Hurley asked, looking around and struggling with the tight seat belt.
"Hurley, you fat phuq," Sayid sighed. "Oh, look, there's a toll booth up ahead. Check if I have any tokens."
Hurley did, and found nothing.
Sayid pulled into the booth anyway, and as soon as the person running it turned his attention to them, Sayid punched them right in the nose and sped off.
"So like, where are we going?" Hurley asked after a few minutes.
"You'll see soon enough."
Suddenly Sayid turned the wheel, and the car turned sharply and went off the road. Branches and shrubs and plants were pushed off to the side. The flow of small rivers were broken. There were plenty of large trees, but Sayid avoided them, swerving this way and that.
Finally they reached their destination: a big tree out in a clearing, seemingly decorated for Christmas. The car slowed to a halt and parked.
"Omfg" Hurley said, looking at it in awe. "Can I eat all those candy canes?"
Sayid bish-smacked Hurley and said, "NO! You just sit under the tree and then wait for me to return. Oh, and put this on."
Sayid handed Hurley a red suit. It was big, but it still barely fit the fat man. Sayid left in the car, leaving Hurley all alone. Hurley munched on a few of the candy canes and then put them back on the tree, fearful of what Sayid might do if he noticed them missing.
Then there came the noise. Hurley turned to see what was making it, where it was caming from. There was a particularly large box.
"Oooooh," Hurley thought. "Maybe it's a giant Hershey bar."
With that thought in mind, Hurley couldn't help but unwrap it. He took off the cover and...
out popped a man Hurley could not recognise. But the rags he was dressed in were familiar. And he held a pipe to his mouth. He blew. Hurley immediatly started to feel woozy, and only just realised he had a dart in him before blacking out.